Things I Have Recently Learned: Home Improvement Edition

This weekend, I helped my father-in-law replace his broken water heater with a shiny new tankless one. This, however, has been a bit of a marathon, since it also involved building a new stud wall (to hang the new heater on), running a new gas line from the main (the existing one was too narrow), running a high-temperature vent pipe halfway across the basement, and re-plumbing the water system (water softener, filter, new heater, external taps, all need to be re-arranged to account for moving from a huge water heater tank in the middle of machine area to a nice little heater hung on a wall).

And so, here is a run-down of some of the Things I Have Recently Learned.

• If a critical part is on special order, it will arrive late.
• If a critical part will take weeks to arrive, when it does arrive it will turn out to be about one foot too short.
• If the hardware store happens to have a suitable extension in stock, and are willing to part with it, they will give you the wrong part.
• No job can be completed without at least two, possibly three, 20-mile round trips to said hardware store.
• Cuts on fingers may only be detectable when you force silicone sealant into them.
• It is somewhat difficult to remove silicone caulk from open wounds. But, on the plus side, silicone makes an excellent blood-resistant barrier.
• Silicone also adheres to hair very well.
• Builders go on special training courses, entitled "How To Place Joists, Trusses, Ducts, and Pipework Exactly Where Ian Will Need To Be".
• There's nothing like a good sniff of natural gas to really get a headache going.
• All the TFE paste in the world isn't going to hide the fact that the hardware store sold you ropey pipe fittings.
• "Oh hello again" isn't something you want to hear from a hardware store employee.
• The cut ends of copper pipe are really, really sharp.
• Silicone can do a good impression of a big flap of skin hanging off your finger.
• When it comes to confined spaces, you are not as thin as you think you are.
• The tape measure is always at the other end of the ladder.
• Mosquitoes know to bite you exactly where the bite will chafe worst during subsequent project tasks.
• Any critically-positioned part will shift about half an inch when you're not looking, and will only reveal this after it's been screwed down and daubed with sealant.
• It's going to take longer than you think.
• Optimistic time estimates lead to disappointed mothers-in-law.

Their water is still shut off. I'm going back there tonight to help finish the job. Probably.